Broken Things, Broken Hearts

       It was the full moon night; I was up on my rooftop at midnight at 12:12 am on 12/12. Felt like it's all meant to be. I sat down and kept observing the moon with a broad smile on my face and heartbeats slow as a snail. I played Bohemian Rhapsody that sent shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes. I decided to complete this blog of which I had just had a title in my mind, and now, here am I writing about broken things in life. Are you eager for this journey? ….Sit back, relax, and immerse yourself in my shoes.

       As many of you may know, I never lived with my parents. Unlike my sister, who always had stayed with them. No wonder she recognized them better than me. I used to see my parents every year either on my summer vacation or Diwali. I was never able to bond with them. As a child, I never thought about this much, but as time passed by, I had these small realizations. All of my friends gathered around every Monday at school and told us all about their weekends and how they had a short family trip or had dinner together. For me, it was the same every weekend: I woke up late, tuned in to watch mickey mouse clubhouse, and then just played cricket or football and then came back home to have dinner and sleep. I always wished to have a good time with my parents, I am 25 now, and I am thrilled to tell you that my wish remains the same. Confused? Why am I glad, right? Well, that's the beauty of a broken heart. It learns to accept more. Once you agree that not everything in life will be according to our wish and understand this the hard way. Not every time you can choose a getaway or an easy path, sometimes you just have to undergo it, and once you come out, you start to appreciate life more.

       I scarcely knew my sister that better. In the last few years since she shifted to Pune, we started talking a little. We do talk now. It's the best when I can just go on and on with my madness, and she just goes along with it. Once I start talking, I can't stop, and then my talks shift to crooning songs and cracking stupid jokes, she records it to embarrass me, but little does she know I am loaded with stupidity. A few years back, we didn't get along too much. We used to fight not verbally but by hitting each other, which should have happened when we were kids but better late than ever. We got in a messy fight. She broke a chain around my neck, snapped out of it, and just sat down. That chain meant a lot to me as it was a gift from someone special to me. I was disappointed in myself. I never fixed that chain ever again, it's broken, and it's one of my broken things. I read it somewhere."Just because it's broken, that doesn't mean it's not beautiful." That strikes me hard. 

       We always try fixing what's broken. Sometimes it can be fixed, and sometimes it can't be. I stopped fixing things, and now I roll entirely with it. Yesterday when I was showing my friend my old toys, trading cards, books, and notes, she accepted it all. She used to judge a lot, but yesterday she didn't. There were broken bey-blades, but they still worked, tore books, but they still smelled so good, we played trading cards for a while, and I lost, and she shouted Power Rangers SPD hahaha she looked so kawaii. I was back in my childhood, but this time with her, it all felt remarkably better. I heard this, I guess in Zakir Khan's stand-up special, We are the generation of broken hearts and broken people.' It's true, so let's embrace it. Utter it out with someone whom you can trust. Take time, but everything gets better.

       From what life was to what life will be, we regularly forget to live for what life is. I learned to live in the moment, and I have never been so much better. Do I have problems? Hell yes! Is experience incredible regarding all those problems? It sure is. What changed? My perspective towards life and me. Am I happy? Look at me, and you'll know that I am more comfortable than I ever was. If you are broken in life, accept it first. Life tends to grow upon you effectively. Without more ado, if you may, look in the mirror and tell me what you see. A broken you? If yes, then you are welcome. You just accepted yourself. Baby steps in adult life. Spread smile; who knows unwittingly you might fix another broken heart. Peace.